Women Rising

The challenges and opportunities for Women in a male dominated industry

At a recently concluded leadership engagement I had the opportunity to engage with aspiring high potential women at a leading engineering company.

Interacting with them reminded me of my days as a young sales executive. Almost 2 decades ago, I had joined Schindler, an elevator and escalator company as their first female employee in sales and project management. Needless to say, the entry barriers in an all male territory were very high. There was scepticism and sarcasm of all kinds, leaving me to question my decision on several occasions. In the initial days, I must have looked like a deer in the headlights, with fear and self doubt looming large on my mind. Sensing my plight, an elderly male client of mine, counselled me that sales of an engineering product was not for women and I should actively consider a job change. With no diversity and inclusion initiatives to lean on, the journey was difficult but an equally enriching one. As I look back I can say with certitude that those 6 years were the best part of my professional career.

As I engage with engineering organizations as a leadership coach, its heartening to see the concerted efforts being made by them to attract, retain and grow women leaders as part of gender diversity initiatives. Over the last twenty years, the working climate has definitely become more conducive for women.  However, women in male dominated industries such as engineering companies still continue to face greater hurdles than their counterparts in other sectors such as IT, BPO and BFSI. Some biases may have shifted to more subtler forms but can still be challenging to deal with on a continuous basis.

The challenges, to name a few: 

•    Women find it difficult to keep long hours and feel their male colleagues are better appreciated for their hard work. “I want to tune off after I leave office but this has an adverse impact. My boss is positively biased towards my colleague because he is always available,” complained a young woman unsure of what she should do.
• ·  They rarely receive direct and constructive feedback from their managers. Many male managers have never worked with women before and are naturally very awkward in their interactions. A young engineer in one of my sessions, shared her upset when a feedback from her manager came through one of her colleagues.
• ·   Men are still wary of buying from a woman. Clients often feel the need to validate technical specifications with their male counterparts. I recall how a client, in a techno commercial negotiation meeting; kept looking expectantly over my shoulder in the hope that some ‘knowledgeable’ man had accompanied me since a woman was incapable of having such discussions. A young sales executive from field operations in Bangalore, felt her client was hesitant to engage in a tough negotiation in the fear that she may be brought to tears. She of course refuted it vehemently and continued the protracted negotiation with greater energy.
• ·   A woman who questions status quo is very often tagged as being aggressive. Being submissive and compliant is a conditioned expectation of most men and any change to this invites critical comments. When women stay true to their stereotype of being agreeable they run the risk of not being seen as a leader. This double bind is more pronounced for women in teams where the gender ratios are skewed.
• ·    With the rising decibel levels on increasing gender diversity, peers feel they are getting preferential treatment. Upgraded accommodation and travel for reasons of safety; are being seen as unfair privileges; sparking sarcastic comments.
• ·   A low gender balance creates an unequal environment. Women feel the added pressure to be recognized for their accomplishments and be seen like their male counterparts. Many fear that even a slightest mistake would cast aspersions on their performance owing to their gender. One of the participants spoke about experiencing exhaustion when every task from a negotiation meeting to a report submission had to be conducted with extreme caution. 

The opportunity:

Surviving and thriving in male dominated industries is like a double edged sword- it can be challenging but also presents a tremendous opportunity for learning and growth. With the qualities of diligence, people management, win-win solutions that come naturally to them, they are in an advantageous position to gain a step up. A woman hire in the site installation team received generous compliments for coping with a physically demanding job. She spoke with quiet confidence that demonstrated her readiness to handle its complexity. Having seen her on the job, her manager’s initial apprehension turned to glowing appreciation for her commitment and ability to multitask. The pride in his voice was unmistakable.

I overheard a female engineer speak very proudly about how she had learnt to ignore some comments and carry on with confidence. Several of her colleagues nodded in admiration of her new found winning strategy.

What sets them apart is a certain mental resilience that is needed to go past barriers to prove their mettle. The trying circumstances, if one is able to tackle, accords a tremendous sense of accomplishment. It’s a high that makes the journey worthwhile.

As more women move into roles that are traditionally male oriented; they become exemplary role models, inspiring other women to bite the bullet. With diversity and inclusion initiatives priming the cultural environment; building a gender balanced workforce in such industries is not such a distant possibility.

An eternal quest

My reflections post reading ‘Becoming’ by Michelle Obama

 “How can you ask a child what will you become when you grow up?” Michelle Obama remarked, on an Oprah Winfrey show. “Life is a journey about who you are becoming, not a destination to get to.” Of all the autobiographies I have read, this one struck a chord with me the most.

Her book speaks to every woman- as an inspiration to find their unique self and flaunt it with style.  “If there is one thing I’ve learnt , it’s the power of using your voice” she remarks with a sincerity that is heart warming. And yet to get to this authentic space of being yourself, of speaking your mind for what you believe in; is fraught with struggle. For a life that may seem like she has it all, her fears and doubts are those that every woman goes through. “ Am I good enough?” ran through like a leitmotif for a large part of her early life. One would imagine that a woman with a double Ivy League degree would not have such thoughts plaguing her and that her career path would be all sorted out. Driven by the desire to pursue something meaningful she gave up her career in law; even without an inkling of what she would do next. She found a job at Public Allies after a relentless search.    

A vulnerable expression of her doubts and dilemmas make her real, relatable and even more charming. She navigates her many roles, with deep seated conviction, remarkable candour and courage that most of us aspire to possess.  A spouse who stood shoulder to shoulder by her man, a mother fiercely protective of her children, a professional determined to contribute to the world meaningfully.

In her childhood, I found many similarities with mine. My parents provided love and care in ample measure but balanced it with discipline. They were directive when they needed to be but also encouraged independent thinking on several matters. Contentment was in the small joys of picnics, a chilled Thumbs Up on a hot summer afternoon, the aroma of freshly baked cinnamon rolls wafting through our home. The invaluable lessons learnt, the love received will always hold me securely in its embrace. Its comfort gives me the strength to push boundaries and experience the joy of uninhibited expression.

The unfolding of  Michelle Obama’s love story had me excited like a teenager. In Barack she found a perfect match-an intelligent , sensitive man, much sought after by law firms and firmly rooted in his values. His impish wide grin only adding to his irresistible charm. The romantic bended knee proposal at a routine dinner date is the kind of stuff that all girls dream of. Its wonderful to see how they make adjustments to accommodate each other at different stages. Barack managed two jobs when Michelle chose meaning in her work over money. When he was campaigning for Presidency, she realigned her work schedule to support him and the kids. And just as every love story is not perfect, dark clouds of despair shroud their relationship too. She makes the effort to seek support to bring harmony and love back into the relationship.

While she reluctantly supported her husband’s decision to join politics, she not for once shrunk in his shadow. Her ability to hold her space as a woman of substance is worthy of deep admiration. With all the demands on her that the run up to Barack’s presidency brought in, she fought to pursue her career. On one occasion she didn’t find childcare but was determined to attend an interview for the job she so wanted. She boldly walked in, placed her 3 month old on the table claiming confidently, that she is best suited for the job and her child came with it.” Now that’s definitely what a woman with a voice would do!

At the time when Trump was campaigning, Michelle didn’t hesitate to speak against his misogynistic comments. “When they go low, you aim high” was a mantra that she and Barack followed not because they looked good while taking a higher moral ground, but because they believed it was the right thing to do.

It’s the underlying thread of optimism that is so palpable in the story of her life. There is no alternative but to have an ‘Audacity of hope’( borrowing the title of Barack Obama’s book).  The faith to keep persisting and trumping fear.  It’s what gives us the power to keep discovering our unique story. In what one does, who am I becoming- is the real question one should be asking.

Transitions- An opportunity for reinvention

A young acquaintance of mine, recently married, kept complaining about persistent headaches and low physical energy. By terming it as hereditary, she sought sympathy as a hapless victim. On further probing she narrated her in-law woes and an unsupportive husband. With her dreams being dashed a feeling of being trapped for life was crushing her completely.  Even though she did vaguely acknowledge the correlation between her anxiety and ill health, her only solution was to keep consulting more doctors.

Having worked for 52 long years, my father hung up his boots last year. At 78, he by no means was willing to slow down but since his company was shutting down, it left him with no option. For someone who has borne the trials and tribulations of life with considerable grit, dealing with retirement has been the toughest - a transition that he is ill prepared for. When an entire life has been defined by the work you do, the absence of it rocks your very core. Time has suddenly stretched to terrifying proportions. Filling up a day with engaging activities is a mighty task. In the absence of a spouse and a dwindling set of relationships, the isolation makes the twilight years even more painful.

Transitions are a reality of life. However not all of them happen smoothly. Marriage, divorce, retirement, illness, single parenting, career change, motherhood, loss of a loved one, change of location can take a toll on us both emotionally and physically. We are living in times when our propensity for anxiety is heightened. We are digging into our reservoir of emotional energy a lot more than we did earlier. Transitions are times for us to stop dead in our tracks and reflect. Its an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, by refuelling our emotional energy.

The rising number of people grappling with their changing circumstances makes on wonder if the act of building our emotional potency is keeping pace with the rate at which it gets depleted. In conversations these days, words such as depression, tension and stress have become the new normal. Last year, the World Health Organization ranked India and China as the most depressed countries in the world. An India Employee Survey by HR tech start up Hush, reported, that as many as 22% respondents felt that their productivity is low due to overwork and stress. For a country that is essentially collectivist in nature where tightly held relationships extend beyond the immediate family; this is a shocking statistic.

Sadly, our education and upbringing have always relegated it to the background, leaving many of us incapable of dealing with emotions that cause discomfort.  We expend our energy in quelling uncomfortable emotions such as hurt ,shame, guilt and jealousy. In a bid to uphold a socially acceptable image these emotions never get fully acknowledged, expressed or resolved. As a child I remember being told by an elder, “Don’t talk about unpleasant stuff, only share what is enjoyable". Coping by suppressing is seen as a sign of courage. I wish to challenge this paradigm in the context of our current times.  Vulnerability has a gentler, more humane power in alleviating the pain, rather than a heroic denial of it. When emotions get masked and not released, it leaves behind a residue that keeps building up till such time as it explodes in the form on bitterness, uncontrolled anger, vindictiveness or depression.

As we make our way through life’s varied experiences; some that have either been consciously chosen and others that we have been thrust into, can we take a pause and contemplate on the multitude thoughts and feelings we experience. Can we find the courage to ask some uncomfortable questions of ourselves?

• “How will my failings show up in my marriage and how will I cope with my partner's eccentricities?"

• "Coming back to work after maternity leave, how am I dealing with the guilt of leaving my child behind?

• "Now that my children have flown the nest, what new purpose do I create for myself?

Emotional literacy doesn’t come naturally, it’s a skill that needs to be developed. As we dig deeper to explore the intertwining of our emotions with that of our thoughts, needs and values; we start building a relationship with them. “I am envious of the way my friend’s husband cares for her’ is a far more accurate description of one’s predicament than a mere “I am not feeling good.” When I am aware and can describe the specific emotion that I am feeling, even when there is social abhorrence towards it; I take a step towards being authentic; leaving me feeling light and spirited.

With the rise of artificial intelligence and the increasing outsourcing of services to bots, the isolation felt by reduced human interaction is going to rise. In a Facebook post I read recently, a woman reeling in agony over her despairing situation wrote out a lengthy post sharing her plight. The sympathy poured in, in ample measure. One can only imagine how intense her pain must be for her to seek solace from strangers, over a digital medium. Moreover, did it really address the cause of her pain?

The pain of life’s whiplashes will not vanish but it can definitely be alleviated. By taking charge of our emotions we are building an arsenal of effective response strategies. 

I suggest 5 steps that we could consciously engage in:

1.        When in a crisis, seek help: Outpouring oneself to friends and family is cathartic but that’s just a temporary addressal of the issue. A more recommended option would be to get a life coach who will get you to dig deep and de weed the issue from its root.
2.            Journal your thoughts and feelings. Writing down your feelings in a book or an app, is a great way to ventilate our pent-up thoughts.  Like the whistle of a pressure cooker, this provides the release of pressure from time to time.
3. .     Invest in self-improvement courses each year. – I echo Socrates’ view that, ‘an unexamined life is not worth living.” Self-discovery courses facilitate the much-needed shedding of some restraining mindsets and a re-cataloguing of our thoughts and feelings. It’s like an Intel Pentium processor upgrade that helps us work more efficiently with our emotions. 
4. .      Get Curious, go behind the scenes: When you find aberrant behaviour, dip into their life journey. It’s easy to label a person as “Oh he is such an angry man.” A more appropriate question would be "What incidents have made him so angry?" When you understand the triggers and the motivations of another, you build a lens to evaluate yourself too. You may even see a bit of yourself in the other, enabling you to be a little more compassionate rather than judgmental.
5. .     Seek diverse perspectives- Polarity of perspectives draws defined boundaries allowing little space for a genuine dialogue based on facts. Currently our political affiliations (or even the lack of it!) triggers extremity of reactions; ones that are not just limited to raucous TV debates but even drawing room gatherings. Building an appreciation for an opposite view enables us to hold multiplicity of perspectives. When dissent is welcomed instead of it being feared, extremity of emotions gets levelled out.

Our emotions is a compelling force that determines who we are and what we do. Experiencing and exploring its breadth and depth is the only way we can be better prepared for the transitions that life brings us to. Its about time we gave this part of ourselves far greater attention than it has received till now.