The magical power of deep conversations

 Last week I was on vacation with a very dear friend and her teenage daughter. I introduced them to a ‘Confessions Game’- a deck of cards on money, relationships, family and career. The person rolling the dice, answers a question on the card that she picks. The questions were bold and made you reflect deeply on aspects of your life that you may not have revealed to yourself, let alone the world. 'How would you say your parents have damaged you?', 

'Whose contribution in your life has not received its due?' 'Talk about a time when you had been selfish in a close relationship.' There were interesting revelations that we made, some hesitatingly and some quite openly. I was apprehensive about introducing this contemplative activity on a vacation which was supposed to be high energy, but was pleasantly surprised to see how it appealed equally to a 50 and a 17 year old.

So what about this simple game fascinated us?

Our minds are flooded with a multitude of thoughts and feelings- some pleasant and some frightening. The turmoil in our external world has only compounded the state of our inner world. The fear of impending death, loss of a job, the loneliness- the chaotic clutter has its pulls and pressures. In placing them out there, we are lessening the burden of holding it in our minds. A spring cleaning of thoughts and emotions that have been buried in the recesses of our mind, hanging heavy. Vulnerable sharing of our past, particularly our childhood has a certain liberating quality to it. Critiquing our parents’ style of parenting, is not something that’s common or encouraged. Yet in this reflective objective evaluation, we redeem a part of ourselves. The smoothing of the frayed edges is soothing.

“Everyone communicates, few connect.” this statement by John Maxwell, stands out as a stark reminder of our lives in the recent past. An inability to comprehend the embroils of our mind, the hesitation in voicing our discomfiting feelings; has led to stress and anxiety. A growing sense of isolation and solitude is an obvious by product of pent up emotions. Such an irony in times where our lives are getting invaded by new communication technology and social media platforms!

When we share uninhibitedly , carefully examining what makes us who we are, we feel healed and collected.  The hurt caused by betrayal, the guilt of a broken relationship, the crashing of dreams and desires– is yearning for release. With all that’s getting accumulated within, the need to have adequate support groups where there is safety in letting our guard down; is becoming a pressing need.  I see many around me getting crushed under its colossal weight of unresolved thoughts and feelings, leading to ill health both physical and psychological.  They try desperately to put up a façade of normalcy, denying the whirlwind of unsettling emotions that rages within.

As a conversation starter, this game was the perfect medium to dive deep within. My friend and I had a candid threadbare discussion on an argument we had a day earlier. We got to the source of what triggered us and what we need to be mindful of in future. Mother and daughter surprised each other with their perspectives, taking their relationship a notch deeper. My reservations about my friends’ likes, an assumption that this game would be dismissed as ‘too serious or heavy’ was busted all too quickly.

Many of us spend time on social media speaking about what’s going right in our lives. And that’s just a miniscule part of who we are.  In our effort to uphold a social image of having everything under control, we quell our weak and tender side. We need to consciously keep identifying people within our network who we can turn to, to rediscover, redeem and re align ourselves. Coaches, friends, family need to be sought out as our support circle.

When we choose this for ourselves, we are wise not weak.