I can’t recall any other year, where the polarity of life’s dimensions have been so stark. As a year that has been universally classified as difficult and stressful, the minimalist lifestyles added an alluring simplicity and contentment. Even while fear was rampant, we were filled with gratitude for the privileges we so often take for granted. Even as the physical interactions were minimized, I found myself engaging in deeper conversations- not just with folks in my circle but also with myself. Despite the restrictions on movement , the fitness regime intensified. Yoga, walking and my dance routines provided the burst of oxytocins while keeping me agile.
The EUM ( Existential Universe Mapper) is a powerful profiling tool used for self awareness and organization development initiatives. I am attempting to review the year gone by through this lens for 2 reasons: One because I have devoted considerable time this year in understanding its tenets and its nuances. Secondly 2020 has been a year when several existential questions have been posed before us, so it seemed only right to map myself on these fundamental aspects of the human psyche.
Universe of Belonging and Protection (UBP): The first 3 months of a full lock down turned out to be such a blessing. Time which in my mind was always in short supply suddenly stretched itself to include all that's warm and comforting in its embrace. Watching a treasure flower go from bud to full bloom in under an hour, delectable food experimentations, poring over old letters and reliving sepia tinted memories captured in photo albums. There was time and space to fully savour these soul nourishing activities. In February, Nelson and I decided to formalize our relationship of 3 years. The celebratory mood filled my home and friends and family got together to have the time of our lives. With a full house, it looked every bit a 'shaadi ka ghar.' The kitchen was running round the clock catering to everyone's tastes, all the 'gaddas' and linen were pulled out, music and conversations had the house buzzing. Soon after the lockdown separated us in two cities. I was able to get to Bangalore after 3 months. Crossword, cooking and conversations over umpteen cups of masala chai gave us much cheer in these times. This was the first time I was spending so much time with Nelson, his daughter and his mother. I had apprehensions of how it would turn out but the time spent together only strengthened the bonds. A few moments of exasperation are an exception that I am happy to let go off! As someone who’s comfort space is the home, there was something very therapeutic about spending such long stretches of time tucked into favourite corners of both my homes. Being safe at home from the menacing world outside, was reassuring.
Universe of Strength and Desire (USD) : This has been my Achilles heel till now but I think 2020 saw the lifting of the veil on this one. I find myself speaking alot more about what I want- whether its on the work or on a personal level. With age I have come to unapologetically express my desires- I have become more acutely aware of this in my marriage. Authentic communication whether unpleasant or complimentary has been the mainstay of our relationship. What I want to enhance in the coming year, is visibility wrt to promotion of GLOW’s work.
‘Rasa nubhava’ was experienced in ample measure too. A plenitude of scintillating dance performances, dance film reviews, BIC talks fuelled my creative spirit. This year I was introduced to the magical world of Kabir through Shabnam Virmani’s soulful renditions. Not to mention the joy in decorating my home in Bangalore. The touch of colour and warmth added by lamps, paintings, linen, plants. Re starting my dance classes was another highlight of 2020. Online classes were unthinkable till a few months ago. The rigor of not just practice but also vocal music and theory is a space where I completely lose myself.
Universe of Roles and Boundaries (URB): In my new avtaar as a wife, a step mother and a daughter in law, I am proud of how I eased into each of these roles without much fuss. Despite the travel restrictions, I am happy to have divided my responsibilities suitably in both my homes.
Universe of Purpose and Achievement (UPA): None of the tangible goals at GLOW (www.glowforall.com) were achieved. While this was a let down, the circumstances challenged me into doing what had been unthinkable till now. That of preparing full fledged programs online. The excellent feedback received was reward enough for the hours that went into content preparation. The research on a ‘Mindset for Marriage’ was heartening and I’m hoping Nelson and I are able to run several impactful coaching sessions for millennial couples starting their life together. In a pandemic year, a few unexpected remunerative engagements dropped like manna from the heavens!
Universe of Meaning and Intimacy ( UMI): At the start of the lockdown, the migrant labour situation was deeply disturbing. I felt very guilty about sitting indoors enjoying a life of privilege while millions suffered for basic food and lodging. Even though it was a small effort, I am happy to have assisted Gurgaon Nagrik Ekta Maanch in providing food and rations to the needy. Later in the year, Gayatri’s admission to college and listening to her speak excitedly about online college life; was fulfilling. This year at GLOW foundation we commenced our 3rd cohort of the mentoring journey with 17 bright and aspiring college girls. A small drop in the ocean but definitely a step in the right direction.
Universe of Duality and Simultaneity (UDS): The year ended with a thought provoking read on dharma, titled ‘Maryada’ by Arshia Sattar. A few aspects that stayed with me and will guide my action when in a dilemma. 1) The quest is in asking the right questions rather than being obsessed with arriving at the ‘right’ solutions. Dharma is ‘sukshama’ and needs to be evolved rather than follow it as an edict. I have earlier chided myself for not taking a definitive stance on any matter and for running the risk of being seen as wishy washy. I have come to appreciate my own balanced view ( as opposed to a unifocal one) whether its politics, child rearing, marital relationships, attitude towards work. 2) Arriving at dharma is when ‘svadharma’ aligns with ‘sanatan dharma.’When what serves me also serves a larger good, I am living my dharma. This sits well as a guideline when making a decision from multiple options that presents itself in every situation.
The goals of life, 'kama’, ‘artha’ and ‘dharma’ were fulfilled in reasonably good measure, this year. So despite the apocalyptic nature of 2020, I am filled with gratitude for all that it has offered.
